After talking to a couple of women about waxing and maintaining they all came in with the same couple of points:

• It really hurts
• It is mostly done when they expect to be getting some frequently
• It really hurts
• Most of the time the guy recommends/request waxing
• It really hurts

Guys, can we all get on board here and agree that if we recommend our girlfriend/wife wax we will pay for it?

From what I gather its like $40-60 a month and mostly they do it because we ask them to. It’s only fair that if we request it we pay for it.

Just a thought.

If you don’t cut the head off and scorch the stumps it will grow back twice as nasty.

When I was born, the doctors asked my parents what my name was. They told them “Cormac”. It then became so.

So don’t call me any of the following:

• baby
• boo
• honey
• hunny
• sweetie

Nothing is more irritating than being a grown ass adult and someone not using your real name to address you.

The are called “pet names” cause they are supposed to be used when addressing a fucking animal.

I swear it will be the end of our relationship.

Not all guys can put together an apartment.

Some even think that decorating an apartment is something a woman should do because she has better taste.

I won’t disagree with the above statement but that doesn’t mean your apartment should have bare walls, a table and a couch you’ve had since your days at the frat house because “it’s comfortable bro!”.

Nope.

That shit doesn’t fly anymore.

Hang up some artwork.

It doesn’t have to be a fucking Chigall but it shouldn’t fucking be something stock from Bed Bath and Beyond.

Check out websites like Society 6, Etsy, or imagekind to find unique pieces that fit your personality (and by that I mean about 25% of your actual personality pictures of pirates, ninjas and Eli Manning aren’t OK).

Take down the pictures of half naked women if you ever want to see a fully naked women in your apartment ever again.

Used a pick up line.

Seriously.

I don’t think I haven’t said anything to a woman I wouldn’t have said to one of my best friends.

Or someone I haven’t seen in a while.

In fact, here is a helpful hint to all you guys out there when picking up a girl:

Imagine the girl you have eyes for is someone you haven’t seen in a couple of weeks.

What would you say to that friend? “Hey, how’s it going? What you been up to?”

Use some sort of variation of that.

Never fails.

Pretty much when you’re in a relationship you cannot have any new friends.

That is fucking bullshit.

If you want a new friend (especially one of the opposite sex) be prepared for a world of verbal hurt.

Batten down the hatches.

A storm is coming.

Nothing infuriates me more than someone who is a literal walking contradiction.

What do I mean?

I once dated a dental hygienist who was a smoker. 

Yeah, not going to fly sweet heart.

That’s like being an over-weight personal trainer (what? You going to fucking personally train me to eat donuts?)

Or a doctor who has had a triple bypass cause he eats too much red meat.

Or a divorce attorney who is currently paying alimony.

You get the point.

Needless to say not only was she incredibly beautiful, funny, witty and sucked my cock like a pair of Louboutin pumps were going to appear when I was finished, I just could not get over the fact that she was a smoker and all day was telling people not to do that.

I have one pillow on my bed.

That’s it.

Just for me.

No one else.

There is no sharing.

I started this rule circa ‘04/’05 in college.

Apparently this is also done by NPH on How I Met Your Mother.

There is a reason why NPH’s character was written to do that…cause it fucking works.

If you are really special I will take the second pillow out of the closet for you. 

If you feel the NEED to text.

The absolute NEED to say something.

Like if you don’t reply the world could come to an end.

Remember this:

whatever it is you are bout to text is going to send what ever potential this relationship has down the toilet.

Why you ask?

Because you are forcing a conversation that is not there.

You will mentally destroy yourself when they don’t respond to your shitty comment.

It probably wasn’t even funny.

Chances are they might have even read it with the wrong inflection thus destroying the integrity of it.

Relationship over.